Mitch Hedberg selections

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.

I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.

My manager said, "Don't use liquor as a crutch!" I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.

This one guy said, "Look at that girl. She's got a nice butt." I said, "Yeah, I bet she can sit down excellently!"

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Ryan Cooper

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